Stupid!

I had the word stupid quoted at me twice this week. Now, I was not being called stupid…at least I don’t think so. The first mention came from a mentor/sage type of guy whom I have the good fortune to rub shoulders with occasionally. Often when I speak with him he will share what he calls a “mantra”- kind of a sacred counsel/last thought to make me think. This week he left me with this gem, “You can’t teach stupid.” Of course the first thing my mind went to was the classic line from Forrest Gump. “Momma says, ‘Stupid is as stupid does’.” The deceptive simplicity of this quote hides a deeper wisdom. We can call somebody stupid, but that doesn’t make it true. Stupid is defined by our actions.

But what to do with the idea that you can’t teach a stupid person? I’m stumped with that one. I shared it with a friend and his response was the famous John Wayne saying, “Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.” Now that I can relate to! When you make a stupid move, fine, just don’t compound it by doing something stupid to follow it up. You know like you drink too much, and you decide to drive home anyway. Stupid followed up by stupider! Or you blow it with an employee, family member, or friend and instead of fixing things you go for the kill to try and save face. Either way there is usually a way to rebound from a stupid act of some kind, but this still leaves me with “you can’t teach stupid.” Well, does this mean you can’t tell someone how to be stupid, and they just come by it naturally? Or does it mean you can’t teach a person who is just plain old stupid? Either way I struggle with this one. I found a photo (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/05/cake-that-started-it-all.html) that brought me some clarity. Here's how I imagine the conversation to order the cake took place:

Bakery Employee: Thanks for calling *******. How may I help you?
Customer: I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.
Bakery Employee: What you want it to say on the cake?
Customer: “Best Wishes Suzanne” and underneath that “We will Miss You”. (Read the cake again.)


After thinking about this for a few days, I think this cake represents exactly what my wise old friend wanted me to think about. Stupid just happens. He just wanted me to consider that you can’t take stupid out of the equation when you live on our planet, and often enough we’re a part of the stupid. The question is, “What do you do with stupid when it happens?” Let’s look again at those first two quotes. First, Forrest laid it out for us. It is what it is. Secondly, The Duke gives some great insight on what life will be like if we make choices that just exacerbate the situation we’re in. Let me leave you with one final thought. What around you just has to be left for what it is and what around you needs to be redirected in order to not compound the stupidity?

H to the Third

Have you ever wondered why it can be difficult to engage people? At times when we seek to engage others they seem to totally be tracking with us, yet when it comes time to follow through on whatever it is we’re talking about, it’s like they just looked into the Neuralizer (flashy light thing that erased memories) from the movie Men In Black. Having spent over two decades teaching teenagers, I know what it is like to have what seems to be a very profitable discussion with someone regarding any given topic and when I talk to them later it’s like we never spoke. My wife can fully comprehend this as well. Occasionally, she strikes up a conversation with me while I am watching a sports game on TV. You would think that these days with DVR it would be better. I can just hit pause and try to give her my full attention, but I still have a hard time truly engaging if there is a paused picture of Kobe going to the hole or Favre retiring again, or pretty much anything else sports related in my general vicinity.

Engaging communication is not just having somebody hear what you are saying that is important. They need to actually digest it. Having just re-read one of my favorite books on leadership (“The Secret” by Blanchard and Miller), I was reminded again of the sketch I drew the first time I read this book that I called H to the 3rd or H^3(See stick figure). To me this is the picture of truly engaging with co-workers, teammates, students, family, etc. Truly engaging others means connecting with their head, hands, and hearts. Often with an employee we have hired their hands and have certain tasks that are required for them to complete. We often ask them to use their head to solve problems and make decisions, but they sometimes lack heart or passion for the tasks at hand. At times we might have an employee who is so passionate about their work that they neglect to use their head to do it more efficiently. Others might think a lot about a challenge but are unwilling to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty. When we consider H^3 type of engagement we are seeking to have people care about their work, consider how to do it in the best way possible, and ultimately be willing to personally do what it takes to get it done. If you look at my post from a couple of weeks ago on motivation (http://thebedbusiness.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-motivates-you.html) it comes down to purpose. To truly engage people in a cause or task it will mean capturing their heads, hearts, and hands by modeling for them your own purpose in the cause or task. People engage when authentic excitement is experienced from their leader.

People today have their Fake-O-Meter working overtime with all the craziness of the internet and other media sources that flood us with false or shady information. A couple of key characteristics that great leaders utilize to engage their co-workers are authenticity and consistency. Simply by being real with somebody else there is a connection made. Obviously there are varying levels of information one can share, but people connect with other people- not pay checks and tasks. Employees like to know what to expect from their leaders, and they appreciate it when the work culture can be depended upon to stay consistent. Leaders demonstrating an authentic purpose and staying on task will soon find their employees following suit.